I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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