Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this boner is exhausting
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
