I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
