Can i not drive my cunt home
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
