Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
