i already hear my dad disowning me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
