OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
