So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
