wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
