You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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