i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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