I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
