It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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