This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
