the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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