he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
