I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
