I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
