I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
