I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
