why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
smell my finger.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
