new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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