And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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