I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
