If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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