elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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