Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She even gives head with a lisp.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
