Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
