Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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