we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
