mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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