So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
