i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
