i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
