my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
