I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
