Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
