HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
