AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
