I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
