the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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