remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
