One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
