one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
