What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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