That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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