Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
