If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
