You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
