did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
