Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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