why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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