i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
