why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
