Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you would pick up someone in the library
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
