If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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