Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
