You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
