I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
