Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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