If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
