There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
